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Navigating Parenthood and Partnership: Staying Connected After Kids

disconnect kids marriage Jan 22, 2024

Parenthood, a journey both rewarding and challenging, often brings a seismic shift in a couple's dynamic. The transition from a duo to a trio or more is a common hurdle for many couples, sparking a need for balance between parental duties and maintaining a strong relationship. The recent episode of our podcast, "Staying Connected After Kids," delves into this critical aspect of family life.

Embracing the New Normal

As children grow, their needs evolve. Initially, newborns and infants require immense attention, temporarily shifting focus away from the marital relationship. However, as children grow into toddlers and start exhibiting independence, couples often find themselves with more breathing room. It's crucial to adapt to these developmental stages, ensuring that while children are nurtured, the couple's bond is not neglected.

The Challenge of Prioritization

A common struggle highlighted in the podcast is the tendency for parents, especially mothers, to prioritize children over their partners. This often stems from a deep sense of parental guilt. While understandable, decisions made from a place of guilt may not always be the healthiest for the family unit. Balancing parenting and partnership is key to maintaining a healthy family ecosystem.

Strategies for Staying Connected

  1. Find Time in Your Day: Identify and utilize small pockets of time for couple activities. This could mean having lunch together if working from home or scheduling brief outings.

  2. Be Intentional: Schedule time for your partner. Children’s activities can quickly fill up a calendar, so being intentional about couple time is vital.

  3. Weekly Business Meetings: Save non-urgent family and household discussions for a designated time each week. This approach helps keep everyday conversations fresh and not solely focused on logistics.

  4. Regular Dates: Whether it's a quick dinner out or a monthly date night, make it a point to step out as a couple, away from the parental roles.

  5. Vacations for Two: Plan short getaways or staycations. These breaks are essential for rekindling the romantic aspect of your relationship.

  6. Adapt to Your Child’s Growth: As children become more independent, consciously redirect some of your energy back to your partner and yourself.

  7. Continuous Attention: Keep nurturing your relationship to prevent resentment. Open communication is key, especially during phases where the focus might temporarily shift more towards the children.

Understanding and Overcoming Challenges

Two client stories shared in the podcast illustrate the complexities of this balance. One story depicted a couple who, despite best intentions, allowed their focus on their children to strain their marriage. Another highlighted the repercussions of a partner feeling neglected over the years. These real-life examples underscore the importance of continual nurturing and recalibration of the couple's relationship.


The journey of parenting is a balancing act, requiring continuous effort to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marital relationship. The strategies outlined in the podcast offer practical advice for couples navigating this challenging yet rewarding phase of life.

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