To the woman who 'wants to want' intimacy
This isn’t about not loving him; it’s about your body not feeling safe.
You’ve built a beautiful life. You’re the dependable one ,the steady one everyone leans on. But behind closed doors, you’re carrying a quiet pain you can’t logic your way out of.
You’ve read the books. Had the conversations. Tried the tools. And still, your body won’t budge.
The intimacy you want still feels out of reach.
Not because you’re doing it wrong.
Because you’ve been trying to fix an embodied problem with your mind.
Your marriage looks solid
a good man, shared dreams, and life you’re proud of.
But the second he reaches for you?
Your chest tightens.
Your body tenses.
Your brain starts planning its escape.
You smile. Maybe you even go through the motions.
But inside?
You’ve already left the moment.
And every time it happens, the distance grows a little wider.
Even the thought of getting close makes your body go numb.
But you smile through it anyway, pretending to enjoy the affection, even as your mind drifts somewhere else entirely.
Sometimes you push intimacy away.
Other times, you go along with it just to avoid the fight, counting the minutes until it’s over.
And you hate that this is your reality.
You’re not broken.
You’re not cold.
You’re not abnormal.
Your body is just saying “no” louder than your heart can say “yes.”
And the hardest part?
You don’t know why.
You’ve analyzed it.
Talked about it.
Tried to explain it, even to yourself.
But nothing has changed.
And now?
You’re scared.
Scared that if something doesn’t shift soon… he’ll stop waiting.
That six months from now, you’ll still be having the same conversation about why you never want to be close.
That eventually, he’ll stop reaching for you and you’ll become polite roommates sharing a mortgage.
You’re afraid you’ll look back in five years and realize:
The love was still there.
But the intimacy faded while you kept hoping it would fix itself.
What you really want is
Intimacy that doesn’t feel like work.
Not something to endure or perform, but something that feels easy. Natural. Even wanted.
To be desired, not for what you do, but for who you are.
To breathe deeply when he’s close… instead of holding your breath and hoping it ends quickly.
A relationship where you feel most like you, not the place where you shrink, hide, or stay careful.
Safety that doesn’t need to be talked about because your body feels it without question.
Love that softens you. Grounds you.
Makes you feel more alive, not more anxious.
This is what you want.
And yes — this is absolutely within reach.
You've tried everything that's supposed to help...
Talk therapy.
You’ve explored your past. Connected the dots. You understand exactly why you react the way you do. But understanding hasn’t changed your body’s response. Even now, love gets close and your system still shuts down.
Journaling, meditating, self-help books.
You’ve built routines. Highlighted all the “right” passages. Tried to stay present. But when your husband touches you or looks at you with longing your body still sounds the alarm.
Forcing yourself to be more affectionate.
You’ve white-knuckled through sex. Said yes when every part of you said no. You hoped repetition would rewire the response.
Instead, it deepened the disconnect and left you feeling even more broken.
Couples counseling.
You’ve tried to fix it together. But rehashing the same issue over and over only made you feel more stuck. Because no one showed you how to shift what’s happening inside your body.
Sex therapy.
You’ve been given the techniques, the scripts, the “try this tonight” strategies. But without a foundation of safety, those tools felt like pressure, not help. So you avoided them. He felt rejected. And you both walked away feeling even more hopeless.
Because here’s the truth:
You can’t build intimacy on a body that doesn’t feel safe. Until your nervous system knows it’s okay to stay present, every tool feels like too much.
And now, quietly, you’re starting to wonder…
What if I’m too broken for this to work?
What if there’s something sexually wrong with me?
What if my husband and I just aren’t truly compatible?
What if I uncover parts of myself I’ve spent years trying to bury?
I need you to hear this:
You are not broken.
You are protected.
Your body isn’t the problem.
It’s the messenger.
And it’s been doing its job keeping you safe the only way it knows how.
That shut-down during touch?
The flood of panic when he gets close?
The urge to disappear, disconnect, distract?
That’s not dysfunction.
That’s your nervous system running an old script:
Intimacy = danger.
Softening = exposure.
Desire = risk.
And no amount of effort, insight, or therapy will override what your body still believes is unsafe.
Because until your nervous system feels safe
It will keep saying no, even when your heart says yes.
The push-away.
The numbness.
The loop of “Why can’t I just want this?”
None of that is your fault.
But here’s what is true:
What your body once learned it can absolutely unlearn.
You can rewire the part of you that pulls away from what you actually want most:
Closeness.
Connection.
Desire that feels real, not forced.
And when that shift happens?
You stop bracing.
You stop doubting.
You stop wondering if you’re the one woman who just can’t be helped.
Because now your body finally knows:
Love is safe here.
And so are you.
Here’s what I discovered that changed everything:
Your nervous system doesn’t care about your intentions. It doesn’t care how much you love him.
The second it senses intimacy, it kicks into protection mode, faster than your mind can catch it.
And here’s the breakthrough:
Once I stopped trying to override my body… and started working with it, everything shifted.
That’s why I created a different kind of solution, one that works at the body level, where the block actually lives.
Because this isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about helping your body feel safe enough to be you, open, connected, and fully alive in your love again.
Imagine enjoying intimacy again without overthinking it. No more waiting to be “in the mood.” No more coaching yourself to get through it.
Just a natural sense of I want this. And a body that agrees.
Inside The Safety Code, you’ll learn to:
Session 1
Crack Your Safety Code
Stop your body from rejecting the love you want.
You’ll finally pinpoint the exact moments your body shifts from open to guarded like:
When your shoulders tense the second he walks in the room
When your stomach flips before sex, even though nothing’s wrong
When you’re already planning your exit before anything even starts
And you’ll stop thinking you're just “broken,” because now you’ll understand:
Why your chest tightens at the thought of being touched tonight
Why your muscles stiffen, even during pleasure
Why your body goes numb mid-intimacy and how to bring it back online
Session 2
Build Your Safety Anchor
Get your body back under your control.
You’ll create a simple, powerful calm-down plan for the moments that usually derail you:
When your stomach drops before a hard conversation
When you’re about to snap, but don’t want to
When you feel yourself pulling away and wish you wouldn’t
So you can finally stay present during intimacy, instead of:
Staring at the ceiling, counting the minutes
Nodding through kisses while mentally reviewing tomorrow’s to-dos
Going along with it out of guilt and quietly resenting every second
Session 3
Activate Your Body's Yes
Train your body to crave touch, not fear it.
This is where it clicks: your body stops treating closeness like a threat. You will stop:
Pulling away when he wraps his arms around you
Shrinking when he tells you you’re beautiful
Holding your breath the moment things turn intimate
Instead, you’ll start to:
Stay in your body and breathe when he touches your thigh in bed
Be in the moment, not mentally coaching yourself to “get through it”
Soften into his kiss without flinching, tensing, or faking a laugh
Feel the urge to reach for him, hug him from behind, initiate intimacy
Let his compliments land, without deflecting, joking, or shutting down
Notice a real mood boost when he touches you: shoulders drop, breath deepens, and that flicker of “I want more” starts to return
Session 4
The Stories Your States Are Telling You
Get your story back under your control.
You’ll learn a simple, state-based story tool that helps you shift the meaning you're making — without abandoning your truth:
When your brain jumps to “he doesn’t care” over something small
When you shut down mid-connection and wonder what’s wrong with you
When you replay the moment for hours, trying to figure out if it was your fault
So you can finally stay grounded in what’s real, instead of:
Snapping just to feel in control — then hating how you handled it
Numbing out in the middle of intimacy while planning your exit
Believing the worst about your relationship — and calling it truth
This isn’t passive learning.
It’s daily, embodied re-patterning.
The kind that shifts how you experience closeness, connection, and love…
starting from within.
My clients are already doing this work with me...
S.P. told me after just two weeks of this work: "Yesterday my husband put his hand on my back while I was cooking, and for the first time in YEARS, I didn't tense up. I actually leaned into him. I forgot what that felt like."
J.C. texted me after week one: ‘We were watching TV and he reached for my hand. Instead of finding an excuse to get up, I squeezed back. Such a small thing, but it felt like a miracle.
P.P. shared: ‘I used to dread bedtime because I knew he’d want to cuddle and I’d have to pretend being okay with it. Last night I was the one who moved closer. I forgot I could actually want that.’
The Safety Code is an experiential course
For the woman who holds it all together, but quietly aches at how hard it is to let herself be held.
This work happens alongside other women who get it. No judgment. No oversharing. Just the quiet relief of not being alone.
This is the bridge between knowing you’re safe…
and finally feeling it.
Inside this experience, you’ll discover:
Why your nervous system treats closeness like a threat and how to change that
How to build real-time safety in your body, not just in your thoughts
What it actually takes to shift from bracing and flinching… to receiving love with ease
You’ll finally stop:
Shutting down to avoid fights and start expressing what you need, without fear
Going numb during intimacy and start staying present for the closeness you crave
Wondering if you’re broken and understand your body’s been protecting you all along
This isn’t about tools.
Or techniques.
This is about embodiment.
Because intimacy can’t live in a guarded body.
The shift begins when your body finally feels what your mind has known all along:
You’re safe. You’re loved. You can let go.
This is a self-guided course that was previously hosted live. Self-paced courses are not accompanied by Carrie's support until you choose an add-on at check-out.
Hi, I’m Carrie.
I’m a Marriage Therapist, Intimacy Coach, and Nervous System Specialist with 25+ years of experience helping women stop pushing away the love they desperately want.
But I didn’t start here.
Five years into marriage with a man I adored… I still flinched when he touched me. I criticized. I pulled away. I found reasons to stay busy.
And deep down, I was terrified:
What if I’m broken? What if I’ll never be the wife he deserves?
I spent years trying to fix it:
Talk therapy gave me insight, but no shift. Self-help books made sense, but nothing changed in my body. Communication tools helped us talk, but didn’t help me stay.
Everything changed when I discovered nervous system work.
Suddenly, intimacy wasn’t something I had to survive. It became something I craved.
I’ve lived this transformation.
Now I guide other women through it.
If you love your partner…
But your body still says no when your heart says yes
This is the work that changes everything.
x Carrie
Your Questions Answered
Once you purchase The Safety Code, you'll receive access to the entire course for life. That includes all future updates made.
There are 4 modules and integration work. You can complete up to 2 modules per week. Keep in mind this work is experiential and not passive learning. So don't just consume information, give yourself time to practice and integrate the experience.
When I run courses live, they are for women only. But because you are purchasing this course self-guided, you can absolutely do this work with your husband.
You’ll have lifetime access to everything, so you can revisit the content whenever you need to reconnect to the work. This isn’t a one-and-done process. It’s a nervous system practice. Think of it like a muscle: the more you engage with it, the stronger and more natural it becomes.
Because this isn’t another mindset shift or communication strategy. This is about working with your nervous system, the part of you that’s been running the show underneath every overreaction, shutdown, or disconnect. You’ve likely tried to think your way into feeling better. This is about creating safety in your body so connection can feel real, not forced. When your nervous system feels safe, intimacy stops feeling forced and starts becoming something you can actually receive.
That fear is so valid. Many women come into this work holding back, afraid they’ll get overwhelmed or flooded. But here’s the difference. We don’t push. We don’t pry. We don’t force. This work is paced intentionally to create safety, not to re-traumatize you. You’ll be guided to build capacity gently, with practices that are doable and supportive. And everything inside this space is designed to help you regulate, not unravel. You’re not too much. And you won’t be alone in this.
You don’t have to wait to feel ready.
You just have to start.
Because ready doesn’t come first, it comes from doing.
And your relationship deserves more than just hoping it gets better.
If your body’s saying yes…
Trust it.
Secure your spot now for just $33
(Price goes up to $333 after we go live the week of July 21, 2025)
Stop waiting for things to magically shift.
This is the shift.
The one that creates the intimacy you’ve been craving and the safety your body’s been waiting for.
Here’s exactly what you get for $222
✔️ Four masterclass-style modules that blend nervous system science with real-life relationship dynamics so you’re not just learning what’s happening, but how to shift it in the moment.
✔️ Targeted nervous system practices you can actually use - no fluff, no guesswork.
✔️ Your personalized Safety Assessment, so you can clearly identify what throws you off and what brings you back.
✔️ The Emergency Regulation Toolkit for the moments you feel triggered, flooded, or like you’re about to shut down.
✔️ A Companion Workbook for each module — with guided prompts, reflection questions, and practices to deepen your integration.
✔️ An Integration Journal to go session-by-session, so this work doesn’t just land, it sticks.
✔️ Lifetime access — including any future updates, so the work keeps evolving with you.
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